Hadith Literature and the Opinions of the Salaf & Scholars on Women
In modern Western society (and many eastern societies now as well), men are indoctrinated to believe that going out of your way to do nice things for a woman is how you show her you love her and that this is what makes women fall in love with you. Mass media perpetuating socially liberal views creates the cultural gynocentrism that enforces this, further inculcating the idea that saying "no" to a woman, directing where the relationship/family is heading, telling a woman off (i.e. disciplining her), and that anything that allows a man to be in a dominant position over a woman (such as leading the relationship, having traditional gender roles, the man doing what he needs to do without necessarily consulting with his wife first for her "approval", etc.), are all bad things that "oppress" women. Unsurprisingly, many Muslim men fall for this propaganda as well and start believing in the faux-moralistic virtues that the West propagates regarding interpersonal relationships between men & women. This typically entails them believing that men wrong women more than the reverse, and that they (along with other men) need to be extra nice in order to act as a counterbalance to the supposed wrongdoings of other men, and also because they genuinely believe that this is what makes a woman attracted to a man.
What they don't realize, however, is that women are far less innocent than they believe. I can bring statistics showcasing these points, but there are still some who will remain in denial by saying that only nonMuslim women are this way, and that it doesn't apply to Muslim women. For many, if I were to bring enough personalized anecdotes from posts/comments of Muslimahs on this website itself, that would be enough to shatter the illusion of innocence. But others will continue remaining in denial by saying that these women are simply not religious (or some other nonsensical excuse), rather than just accept that those tendencies exist in all women.
To demonstrate why those men are wrong, I will bring sources from Islamic scholars and the Salaf themselves in addition to ahadith relating back to the Prophet ﷺ himself to show that these issues are universal and to also shine light on why the standard Western-prescribed perspectives of attracting women are incorrect:
The Prophet (ﷺ) was with one of the Mothers of the Believers (his wives) and another (wife) sent a bowl containing food. She (the first wife) struck the hand of the Messenger of (ﷺ) and the bowl fell and broke. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) took the two pieces and put them back together, then he started gathering up the food and putting it in (the bowl). He said: 'Your mother was jealous. Eat.' So they ate, and she (the wife who broke the bowl) brought the bowl that was in her house and gave the intact bowl to the Messenger (ﷺ), who left the broken bowl in the house of the one who broke it.
For those who are wondering, it was A'isha who broke the dish of Umm Salamah.
The people used to try to bring their gifts (to the Prophet) on 'Aishah's day, hoping thereby to earn the pleasure of the Messenger of Allah.
The wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) were in two groups. One group consisted of `Aisha, Hafsa, Safiyya and Sauda; and the other group consisted of Um Salama and the other wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). The Muslims knew that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) loved `Aisha, so if any of them had a gift and wished to give to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), he would delay it, till Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had come to `Aisha's home and then he would send his gift to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) in her home. The group of Um Salama discussed the matter together and decided that Um Salama should request Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to tell the people to send their gifts to him in whatever wife's house he was. Um Salama told Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) of what they had said, but he did not reply. Then they (those wives) asked Um Salama about it. She said, "He did not say anything to me." They asked her to talk to him again. She talked to him again when she met him on her day, but he gave no reply. When they asked her, she replied that he had given no reply. They said to her, "Talk to him till he gives you a reply." When it was her turn, she talked to him again. He then said to her, "Do not hurt me regarding Aisha, as the Divine Inspirations do not come to me on any of the beds except that of Aisha." On that Um Salama said, "I repent to Allah for hurting you." Then the group of Um Salama called Fatima, the daughter of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and sent her to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to say to him, "Your wives request to treat them and the daughter of Abu Bakr on equal terms." Then Fatima conveyed the message to him. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "O my daughter! Don't you love whom I love?" She replied in the affirmative and returned and told them of the situation. They requested her to go to him again but she refused. They then sent Zainab bint Jahsh who went to him and used harsh words saying, "Your wives request you to treat them and the daughter of Ibn Abu Quhafa on equal terms." On that she raised her voice and (verbally) abused `Aisha to her face so much so that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) looked at `Aisha to see whether she would retort. `Aisha started replying to Zainab till she silenced her. The Prophet (ﷺ) then looked at `Aisha and said, "She really is the daughter of Abu Bakr."
We can see here that even the Prophet ﷺ still had to deal with female mind games and inter-wife politics (i.e. drama) whereby one wife (or many) would try gaining the favor of the Prophet ﷺ over the others. The fact that his wives were divided into two groups in the first place does seem to indicate that even the most righteous of women are prone to petty antics just the same as other women.
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) used to drink honey in the house of Zainab, the daughter of Jahsh, and would stay there with her. So Hafsa and I agreed secretly that, if he come to either of us, she would say to him. "It seems you have eaten Maghafir (a kind of bad-smelling resin), for I smell in you the smell of Maghafir," (We did so) and he replied. "No, but I was drinking honey in the house of Zainab, the daughter of Jahsh, and I shall never take it again. I have taken an oath as to that, and you should not tell anybody about it."
This is the (in)famous incident that actually led to the first divorce of Hafsa RA and the first 4 Verses in Surat At-Tahrim. The Prophet ﷺ did eventually remarry her though.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was sitting and we heard a scream and the voices of children. So the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) arose, and it was an Ethiopian woman, prancing around while the children played around her. So he said: 'O 'Aishah, come (and) see.' So I came, and I put my chin upon the shoulder of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and I began to watch her from between his shoulder and his head, and he said to me: 'Have you had enough, have you had enough?'" She said: "So I kept saying: 'No,' to see my status with him. Then 'Umar appeared." She said: "So they dispersed." She said: "So the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: 'Indeed I see the Shayatin among men and jinn have run from 'Umar.' She said: 'So I returned.'"
How you interpret "to see my status with him" is up to you. However, it's important to note that she was telling the Prophet ﷺ "no" on purpose because she was in essence testing him in order to gauge things. I'm not saying she had sinister ulterior motives or anything like that, I'm just pointing out how her saying "no" to him wasn't really because she didn't want to stop watching them play yet, but was instead because of something else that had to do with her gauging him/her in relation to him/him in relation to her/etc. This is actually evidence of my posts on sh*t tests when I said that it's simply in a woman's fitrah to test men like this. This is further evidenced by the words of Imam al-Ghazali:
Arab women used to teach their daughters to test their husbands. One would say to her daughter, “Test your husband before taking a step and before showing boldness toward him. Remove the edge of his spear; should he remain quiet, hack bones with his sword; and if he should still be quiet, then put the saddle on his back and ride him, for he is your donkey.”
Book on the Etiquette of Marriage, Chapter 3
Imam al-Ghazali also cites Imam al-Shafi'i as having said:
ثلاثة إن أكرمتهم أهانوك وإن أهنتهم أكرموك المرأة والخادم والنبطي
Which translates to "[There are] three if you honor them, they will insult you, and if you insult them, they will honor you: the woman, the servant, and the Nabataean."
Imam al-Ghazali also cites other interesting quotes:
قال الحسن: "والله ما أصبح رجل يطيع امرأته فيما تهوى إلا كبه الله في النار"
Al Hassan said: "By Allah, no man becomes obedient to his wife in what she desires except [that] Allah will Throw him into the Fire.
وقال عمر رضي الله عنه: "خالفوا النساء فإن في خلافهن البركة." وقد قيل: "شاوروهن وخالفوهن."
'Umar RA said: "Disagree with women (i.e. your wives), for in disagreement with them there is blessing." And it was [also] said [by him]: "Consult them then disagree with them".
" فاستحسن قولها وكان أصحاب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يسدون الكوى والثقب في الحيطان لئلا تطلع النسوان إلى الرجال ورأى معاذ امرأته تطلع في الكوة فضربها ورأى امرأته قد دفعت إلى غلامه تفاحة قد أكلت منها فضربها."
The companions of the Prophet SAW used to close peepholes and perforations in the wall to prevent women from looking at men. Mu'adh [b. Jabal] saw his wife looking through a peephole, and he struck her; he also saw her giving an apple to his male slave from which she had eaten, and he struck her again.
I find it interesting how women from a conservative society 1,400 years ago would gawk at men, even Muslim women. The common theme society portrays in our time is that creeping perverts are all men, and that women, especially Muslim women, would never act in such ways. Some delude themselves into thinking that women don't have the same desires as men, but the reality as shown above says otherwise. Even if you dispute the hadith, the fact that such a narration even COULD exist demonstrates that such things weren't unfamiliar to the Arabs back then. The truth is that if you don't see them behaving sexually, it doesn't mean that they don't do it or that they have more class than men (or whatever excuse you want to come up with), it just means they don't do it WITH YOU. Women are just as depraved as men, but simply hide it better. But that aside, let's continue...
وروي انه دفعت إحداهن في صدر رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فزبرتها أمها فقال صلى الله عليه وسلم دعيها فإنهن يصنعن اكثر من ذلك
It was also related that one wife pushed the Prophet SAW in the chest, so her mother slapped her. The Prophet SAW said, “Leave her, for they [wives] do worse than that.”
وجرى بينه وبين عائشة كلام حتى أدخلا بينهما أبا بكر رضي الله عنه حكما واستشهده فقال لها رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم تكلمين أو أتكلم فقالت بل تكلم أنت ولا تقل إلا حقا فلطمها أبو بكر حتى دمى فوها وقال يا عدية نفسها أو يقول غير الحق فاستجارت برسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم وقعدت خلف ظهره فقال له النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم لم ندعك لهذا ولا أردنا منك هذا
He [the Prophet SAW] and 'A'ishah got into an argument to the point that Abu Bakr was called upon to arbitrate, and the Prophet took him as a witness. So the Prophet SAW said to her, “Are you going to talk, or shall l?” She replied, “You talk, but say only the truth.” Abu Bakr struck her until her mouth bled, and said to her, “Oh enemy of yourself, does he utter anything but the truth?” So she took refuge with the Prophet SAW and sat behind him. The Prophet SAW then told him, “You were not called for this, nor did we desire this of you.”
Like, bruh.
وقالت له مرة في كلام غضبت عنده أنت الذي تزعم أنك نبي الله فتبسم رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم واحتمل ذلك حلما وكرما
She ['A'isha RA] told him once in anger, “And you are the one who claims to be the Prophet of God!” So the Prophet SAW smiled and bore that out of forbearance and kindness.
وكان يقول لها إني لأعرف غضبك من رضاك قالت وكيف تعرفه قال إذا رضيت قلت لا وإله محمد وإذا غضبت قلت لا وإله إبراهيم قالت صدقت إنما أهجر اسمك
He used to say to her, “I know when you are angry and when you are pleased.” To which she replied, “And how do you know it?” He said, “When you are pleased, you say 'No, by the God of Muhammad'; and when you are angry you say, 'No, by the God of Abraham.' “ She said, “You are right; I leave your name out.”
Dalliance, jesting, and playfulness add to the toleration of offense; for these delight the hearts of women.
I mention this because it ties back into my previous posts about sh*t tests, where I stated many times that fun, flirty, lighthearted playfulness is how you build attraction with a woman; it shows that the same things that work on women now also worked on women back then, meaning that all of this stuff we are talking about here on the subreddit is simply apart of female nature rather than a new societal construct.
In any case, I'm not gonna share with you his entire book since you can read it all yourself, but these are some key highlights. I'm going to move on to more hadith and quotes from other scholars now:
Hilal bin Umayyah accused his wife in the presence of the Prophet (ﷺ) of (committing adultery) with Sharik bin Sahma'. The Prophet said: "Bring proof or you will feel the Hadd (punishment) on your back." Hilal bin Umayyah said: "By the One Who sent you with the truth, I am telling the truth, and Allah will send down revelation concerning my situation which will spare my back." Then the following was revealed: "And for those who accuse their wives, but have no witnesses except themselves, let the testimony of one of them be four testimonies (i.e., testifies four times) by Allah that he is one of those who speak the truth. And the fifth (testimony should be) the invoking of the curse of Allah on him if he be of those who tell a lie (against her). But it shall avert the punishment (of stoning to death) from her, if she bears witness four times by Allah, that he (her husband) is telling a lie. And the fifth (testimony) should be that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he (her husband) speaks the truth." The Prophet (ﷺ), turned and sent for them, and they came. Hilal bin Umayyah stood up and bore witness, and the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Allah knows that one of you is lying. Will either of you repent?" Then she stood up and affirmed her innocence. On the fifth time, meaning that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he (her husband) speaks the truth, they said to her: "It will invoke the wrath of Allah." Ibn 'Abbas said: "She hesitated and backed up, until we thought that she was going to recant. Then she said: 'By Allah, I cannot dishonor my people forever.' Then the Prophet (ﷺ) said: 'Wait and see. If she gives birth to a child with black eyes, fleshy buttocks and big calves, then he is the son of Sharik bin Sahma'.' And she gave birth to such a child. Then the Prophet (ﷺ) said: 'Had it not the matter been settled by the Book of Allah, I would have punished her severely.' "
Women even back then would cheat on their husbands and lie about it to the whole of the community and to Allah SWT. She says she didn't want her people to be disgraced forever, but it's still clear as day that she cheated.
'Uwaimir came to `Asim bin `Adi who was the chief of Bani Ajlan and said, "What do you say about a man who has found another man with his wife? Should he kill him whereupon you would kill him (i.e. the husband), or what should he do? Please ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) about this matter on my behalf." `Asim then went to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! (And asked him that question) but Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) disliked the question," When 'Uwaimir asked `Asim (about the Prophet's answer) `Asim replied that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) disliked such questions and considered it shameful. "Uwaimir then said, "By Allah, I will not give up asking unless I ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) about it." Uwaimir came (to the Prophet ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! A man has found another man with his wife! Should he kill him whereupon you would kill him (the husband, in Qisas) or what should he do?" Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Allah has revealed regarding you and your wife's case in the Qur'an "So Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) ordered them to perform the measures of Mula'ana according to what Allah had mentioned in His Book. So 'Uwaimir did Mula'ana with her and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! If I kept her I would oppress her." So 'Uwaimir divorced her and so divorce became a tradition after them for those who happened to be involved in a case of Mula'ana. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) then said, "Look! If she (Uwaimir's wife) delivers a black child with deep black large eyes, big hips and fat legs, then I will be of the opinion that 'Uwaimir has spoken the truth; but if she delivers a red child looking like a Wahra then we will consider that 'Uwaimir has told a lie against her." Later on she delivered a child carrying the qualities which Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had mentioned as a proof for 'Uwaimir's claim; therefore the child was ascribed to its mother henceforth.
Another instance of cheating. These were the sahaba who got cheated on, men who had better character than most people today, with more Islamic knowledge than most Muslims today. And even they got cheated on. And they were cheated on by sahabiyat, women who were also (typically) more virtuous than women of our time. I'm pointing these out because men need to understand that women are not these sweet innocent angels who simply become corrupted through a bad society per se, many of them simply choose to do wrong. Not just that, but I'm also trying to showcase how the fallacy of "all you need is the Qur'an & Sunnah if you want to do well with women and have a happy marriage" is utter nonsense. Men with greater understanding of the Qur'an and Sunnah got cheated on while there are kuffar who have harems. Why is that? It's because fitra exists regardless of religion. Yes, Islam discusses aspects of the fitra and marriage; that does not mean that intersexual dynamics is its focus though. That's why it's foolish to say things like "I don't need the red pill to have a happy marriage, I just need the Qur'an & Sunnah" because it's like saying "I don't need to study biology to understand the human body, I just need the Qur'an & Sunnah". It's ridiculous. The fact that it even says “’Uwaimir divorce divorced her and so divorce became a tradition after then for those who happened to be involved in a case of Mula’ana” literally means that there were cases of women cheating on their husbands after this too. These aren’t just isolated incidents or one-offs.
In any case, there is more commentary on this particular incident:
Mention was made of li'an in the presence of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). And Asim b. 'Adi passed a remark about it and then turned away, and a man of his tribe came to him complaining that he had found a man with his wife, whereupon 'Asim said: I have been taken by my words. He took him to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and told him about the man whom he had found with his wife and this man was a lean, yellow-coloured man with lank hair, and the person who was accused of committing adultery with her (his wife) had fleshy shanks, with wheat complexion and heavy bulk. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: O Allah, make (this case) manifest. And as she gave birth to a child, whose face resembled that person about whom her husband had made mention that he had found her with, and Allah's Messenger (may peace be, upon him) had asked them to invoke curses. A person said to Ibn 'Abbas (Allah be pleased with him): Is she (that woman) about whom Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) (said):" If I were to stone anybody without evidence, I would have stoned her"? Ibn 'Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) said: No, it is not she. That woman was one who openly spread evil in society.
There was another woman who was the same way (the words "openly spread evil in society" refers to openly committing zina). And keep in mind that all this was back in a conservative Islamic society 1,400 years ago during the time of the Prophet ﷺ.
Understand that female nature has a lot of unpleasant aspects to it that modern society today completely ignores (or blames on men). Because of this, women are seen as morally superior to men and as better people than men, painting this image in our mind that women are always in the right.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "But for the Israelis, meat would not decay and but for Eve, wives would never betray their husbands."
The only comment I can make is that this is evidence that all of what we see is inherent within women. No, I'm not saying women cheating on men is inherent women; I'm saying that the thing that makes one woman do these things (whether cheat, sh*t test, or other) exist in ALL women.
'Aishah, the wife of the Prophet (ﷺ) told him that there were four types of marriage during Pre-Islamic period of Ignorance. One type was similar to that of the present day i.e. a man used to ask somebody else for the hand of a girl under his guardianship or for his daughter's hand, and give her Mahr and then marry her. The second type was that a man would say to his wife after she had become clean from her period. "Send for so-and-so and have sexual intercourse with him." Her husband would then keep away from her and would never sleep with her till she got pregnant from the other man with whom she was sleeping. When her pregnancy became evident, her husband would sleep with her if he wished. Her husband did so (i.e. let his wife sleep with some other man) so that he might have a child of noble breed. Such marriage was called as Al-Istibda'. Another type of marriage was that a group of less than ten men would assemble and enter upon a woman, and all of them would have sexual relation with her. If she became pregnant and delivered a child and some days had passed after delivery, she would sent for all of them and none of them would refuse to come, and when they all gathered before her, she would say to them, "You (all) know what you have done, and now I have given birth to a child. So, it is your child so-and-so!" naming whoever she liked, and her child would follow him and he could not refuse to take him. The fourth type of marriage was that many people would enter upon a lady and she would never refuse anyone who came to her. Those were the prostitutes who used to fix flags at their doors as sign, and he who would wished, could have sexual intercourse with them. If anyone of them got pregnant and delivered a child, then all those men would be gathered for her and they would call the Qa'if (persons skilled in recognizing the likeness of a child to his father) to them and would let the child follow the man (whom they recognized as his father) and she would let him adhere to him and be called his son. The man would not refuse all that. But when Muhammad (ﷺ) was sent with the Truth, he abolished all the types of marriages observed in pre-Islamic period of Ignorance except the type of marriage the people recognize today.
I want to first say Alhamdulillahi Rab al 'alameen that we are not like this today.
Now, while the men were degenerate back then, you have to realize that it was the women who allowed this and openly displayed themselves this way. They willingly chose to do this even though virginity was still greatly more honorable than these other forms of "marriage". I make mention of all this to drive home the point that women are not anywhere near as innocent as modern society makes them out to be and that they never, ever were.
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There is yet another instance I am aware of whereby 'Umar bin Khattab RA was out patrolling the streets one night when he heard a woman sing a poem. The woman was lamenting her husband being away (for jihad) and that had it not been for the fear of Allah SWT in her heart that she would've tried having another lover sleep with her. When he heard this, he was alarmed and went to his daughter Hafsa and asked her how long can a woman remain without her husband. The reports vary the range from anywhere between 3 months and 6 months. Because there are many reports and they differ quite a bit in their wording, I won't quote the exact words, but there is the source:
https://al-maktaba.org/book/31615/18822
~~~
Ibn Umar narrated:"I had a wife whom I loved, but my father disliked her, so he ordered me to divorce her but I refused. I mentioned that to the Prophet and he said: 'O Abdullah bin Umar! Divorce your wife.'"
The context for this was that Abdullah ibn Umar was extremely in love with his wife to the point where his deen started to/was about to falter. This demonstrates that infatuation on part of the man, especially to the point where your deen falters, is not something to do. And with regards to the content talked about on this subreddit, it shows that you as a man should never to love to the point where it controls you. Remember this:
Your life should not revolve around your woman. She is not the woman of your dreams; rather, she is *a* woman in your dreams.
And verily, we find other scholars holding similar opinions:
If a man is (greatly) in love with a woman, even if she was permissible for him, his heart will remain in her captivity. She will be in charge of him and do with him as she pleases. Although he outwardly appears to be her master, because he is her husband, in reality, he is her captive and her possession, especially if she is aware of his unrestricted love and dire need for her, and that (he thinks) she is irreplaceable. Indeed, the captivity of the heart is worse than the captivity of the body, as the enslavement of the heart is worse than the enslavement of the body.
Majmūʿ of ibn Taymiyyah (10/185)
The easiest way to ensure you aren't enslaved to a woman (or to anyone for that matter) is to never be afraid to walk away. Always be able to leave her at the drop of a hat.
The things being said are further corroborated by the saying of 'Umar bin Khattab RA:
Aslam said, "'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, "Do not let your love be a total infatuation. Do not let your anger be destruction." I asked, "How is that?" He replied, "When you love, you are infatuated like a child. When you hate, you desire destruction for your companion.""
Now just to make sure no one gets this confused, this was a saying by 'Umar bin Khattab RA, not the Prophet ﷺ. But it's still great advice regardless.
In modern Western society (and many eastern societies now as well), men are indoctrinated to believe that going out of your way to do nice things for a woman is how you show her you love her and that this is what makes women fall in love with you. Mass media perpetuating socially liberal views creates the cultural gynocentrism that enforces this, further inculcating the idea that saying "no" to a woman, directing where the relationship/family is heading, telling a woman off (i.e. disciplining her), and that anything that allows a man to be in a dominant position over a woman (such as leading the relationship, having traditional gender roles, the man doing what he needs to do without necessarily consulting with his wife first for her "approval", etc.), are all bad things that "oppress" women. Unsurprisingly, many Muslim men fall for this propaganda as well and start believing in the faux-moralistic virtues that the West propagates regarding interpersonal relationships between men & women. This typically entails them believing that men wrong women more than the reverse, and that they (along with other men) need to be extra nice in order to act as a counterbalance to the supposed wrongdoings of other men, and also because they genuinely believe that this is what makes a woman attracted to a man.
What they don't realize, however, is that women are far less innocent than they believe. I can bring statistics showcasing these points, but there are still some who will remain in denial by saying that only nonMuslim women are this way, and that it doesn't apply to Muslim women. For many, if I were to bring enough personalized anecdotes from posts/comments of Muslimahs on this website itself, that would be enough to shatter the illusion of innocence. But others will continue remaining in denial by saying that these women are simply not religious (or some other nonsensical excuse), rather than just accept that those tendencies exist in all women.
To demonstrate why those men are wrong, I will bring sources from Islamic scholars and the Salaf themselves in addition to ahadith relating back to the Prophet ﷺ himself to show that these issues are universal and to also shine light on why the standard Western-prescribed perspectives of attracting women are incorrect:
The Prophet (ﷺ) was with one of the Mothers of the Believers (his wives) and another (wife) sent a bowl containing food. She (the first wife) struck the hand of the Messenger of (ﷺ) and the bowl fell and broke. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) took the two pieces and put them back together, then he started gathering up the food and putting it in (the bowl). He said: 'Your mother was jealous. Eat.' So they ate, and she (the wife who broke the bowl) brought the bowl that was in her house and gave the intact bowl to the Messenger (ﷺ), who left the broken bowl in the house of the one who broke it.
For those who are wondering, it was A'isha who broke the dish of Umm Salamah.
The people used to try to bring their gifts (to the Prophet) on 'Aishah's day, hoping thereby to earn the pleasure of the Messenger of Allah.
The wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) were in two groups. One group consisted of `Aisha, Hafsa, Safiyya and Sauda; and the other group consisted of Um Salama and the other wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). The Muslims knew that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) loved `Aisha, so if any of them had a gift and wished to give to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), he would delay it, till Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had come to `Aisha's home and then he would send his gift to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) in her home. The group of Um Salama discussed the matter together and decided that Um Salama should request Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to tell the people to send their gifts to him in whatever wife's house he was. Um Salama told Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) of what they had said, but he did not reply. Then they (those wives) asked Um Salama about it. She said, "He did not say anything to me." They asked her to talk to him again. She talked to him again when she met him on her day, but he gave no reply. When they asked her, she replied that he had given no reply. They said to her, "Talk to him till he gives you a reply." When it was her turn, she talked to him again. He then said to her, "Do not hurt me regarding Aisha, as the Divine Inspirations do not come to me on any of the beds except that of Aisha." On that Um Salama said, "I repent to Allah for hurting you." Then the group of Um Salama called Fatima, the daughter of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and sent her to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to say to him, "Your wives request to treat them and the daughter of Abu Bakr on equal terms." Then Fatima conveyed the message to him. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "O my daughter! Don't you love whom I love?" She replied in the affirmative and returned and told them of the situation. They requested her to go to him again but she refused. They then sent Zainab bint Jahsh who went to him and used harsh words saying, "Your wives request you to treat them and the daughter of Ibn Abu Quhafa on equal terms." On that she raised her voice and (verbally) abused `Aisha to her face so much so that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) looked at `Aisha to see whether she would retort. `Aisha started replying to Zainab till she silenced her. The Prophet (ﷺ) then looked at `Aisha and said, "She really is the daughter of Abu Bakr."
We can see here that even the Prophet ﷺ still had to deal with female mind games and inter-wife politics (i.e. drama) whereby one wife (or many) would try gaining the favor of the Prophet ﷺ over the others. The fact that his wives were divided into two groups in the first place does seem to indicate that even the most righteous of women are prone to petty antics just the same as other women.
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) used to drink honey in the house of Zainab, the daughter of Jahsh, and would stay there with her. So Hafsa and I agreed secretly that, if he come to either of us, she would say to him. "It seems you have eaten Maghafir (a kind of bad-smelling resin), for I smell in you the smell of Maghafir," (We did so) and he replied. "No, but I was drinking honey in the house of Zainab, the daughter of Jahsh, and I shall never take it again. I have taken an oath as to that, and you should not tell anybody about it."
This is the (in)famous incident that actually led to the first divorce of Hafsa RA and the first 4 Verses in Surat At-Tahrim. The Prophet ﷺ did eventually remarry her though.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was sitting and we heard a scream and the voices of children. So the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) arose, and it was an Ethiopian woman, prancing around while the children played around her. So he said: 'O 'Aishah, come (and) see.' So I came, and I put my chin upon the shoulder of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and I began to watch her from between his shoulder and his head, and he said to me: 'Have you had enough, have you had enough?'" She said: "So I kept saying: 'No,' to see my status with him. Then 'Umar appeared." She said: "So they dispersed." She said: "So the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: 'Indeed I see the Shayatin among men and jinn have run from 'Umar.' She said: 'So I returned.'"
How you interpret "to see my status with him" is up to you. However, it's important to note that she was telling the Prophet ﷺ "no" on purpose because she was in essence testing him in order to gauge things. I'm not saying she had sinister ulterior motives or anything like that, I'm just pointing out how her saying "no" to him wasn't really because she didn't want to stop watching them play yet, but was instead because of something else that had to do with her gauging him/her in relation to him/him in relation to her/etc. This is actually evidence of my posts on sh*t tests when I said that it's simply in a woman's fitrah to test men like this. This is further evidenced by the words of Imam al-Ghazali:
Arab women used to teach their daughters to test their husbands. One would say to her daughter, “Test your husband before taking a step and before showing boldness toward him. Remove the edge of his spear; should he remain quiet, hack bones with his sword; and if he should still be quiet, then put the saddle on his back and ride him, for he is your donkey.”
Book on the Etiquette of Marriage, Chapter 3
Imam al-Ghazali also cites Imam al-Shafi'i as having said:
ثلاثة إن أكرمتهم أهانوك وإن أهنتهم أكرموك المرأة والخادم والنبطي
Which translates to "[There are] three if you honor them, they will insult you, and if you insult them, they will honor you: the woman, the servant, and the Nabataean."
Imam al-Ghazali also cites other interesting quotes:
قال الحسن: "والله ما أصبح رجل يطيع امرأته فيما تهوى إلا كبه الله في النار"
Al Hassan said: "By Allah, no man becomes obedient to his wife in what she desires except [that] Allah will Throw him into the Fire.
وقال عمر رضي الله عنه: "خالفوا النساء فإن في خلافهن البركة." وقد قيل: "شاوروهن وخالفوهن."
'Umar RA said: "Disagree with women (i.e. your wives), for in disagreement with them there is blessing." And it was [also] said [by him]: "Consult them then disagree with them".
" فاستحسن قولها وكان أصحاب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يسدون الكوى والثقب في الحيطان لئلا تطلع النسوان إلى الرجال ورأى معاذ امرأته تطلع في الكوة فضربها ورأى امرأته قد دفعت إلى غلامه تفاحة قد أكلت منها فضربها."
The companions of the Prophet SAW used to close peepholes and perforations in the wall to prevent women from looking at men. Mu'adh [b. Jabal] saw his wife looking through a peephole, and he struck her; he also saw her giving an apple to his male slave from which she had eaten, and he struck her again.
I find it interesting how women from a conservative society 1,400 years ago would gawk at men, even Muslim women. The common theme society portrays in our time is that creeping perverts are all men, and that women, especially Muslim women, would never act in such ways. Some delude themselves into thinking that women don't have the same desires as men, but the reality as shown above says otherwise. Even if you dispute the hadith, the fact that such a narration even COULD exist demonstrates that such things weren't unfamiliar to the Arabs back then. The truth is that if you don't see them behaving sexually, it doesn't mean that they don't do it or that they have more class than men (or whatever excuse you want to come up with), it just means they don't do it WITH YOU. Women are just as depraved as men, but simply hide it better. But that aside, let's continue...
وروي انه دفعت إحداهن في صدر رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فزبرتها أمها فقال صلى الله عليه وسلم دعيها فإنهن يصنعن اكثر من ذلك
It was also related that one wife pushed the Prophet SAW in the chest, so her mother slapped her. The Prophet SAW said, “Leave her, for they [wives] do worse than that.”
وجرى بينه وبين عائشة كلام حتى أدخلا بينهما أبا بكر رضي الله عنه حكما واستشهده فقال لها رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم تكلمين أو أتكلم فقالت بل تكلم أنت ولا تقل إلا حقا فلطمها أبو بكر حتى دمى فوها وقال يا عدية نفسها أو يقول غير الحق فاستجارت برسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم وقعدت خلف ظهره فقال له النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم لم ندعك لهذا ولا أردنا منك هذا
He [the Prophet SAW] and 'A'ishah got into an argument to the point that Abu Bakr was called upon to arbitrate, and the Prophet took him as a witness. So the Prophet SAW said to her, “Are you going to talk, or shall l?” She replied, “You talk, but say only the truth.” Abu Bakr struck her until her mouth bled, and said to her, “Oh enemy of yourself, does he utter anything but the truth?” So she took refuge with the Prophet SAW and sat behind him. The Prophet SAW then told him, “You were not called for this, nor did we desire this of you.”
Like, bruh.
وقالت له مرة في كلام غضبت عنده أنت الذي تزعم أنك نبي الله فتبسم رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم واحتمل ذلك حلما وكرما
She ['A'isha RA] told him once in anger, “And you are the one who claims to be the Prophet of God!” So the Prophet SAW smiled and bore that out of forbearance and kindness.
وكان يقول لها إني لأعرف غضبك من رضاك قالت وكيف تعرفه قال إذا رضيت قلت لا وإله محمد وإذا غضبت قلت لا وإله إبراهيم قالت صدقت إنما أهجر اسمك
He used to say to her, “I know when you are angry and when you are pleased.” To which she replied, “And how do you know it?” He said, “When you are pleased, you say 'No, by the God of Muhammad'; and when you are angry you say, 'No, by the God of Abraham.' “ She said, “You are right; I leave your name out.”
Dalliance, jesting, and playfulness add to the toleration of offense; for these delight the hearts of women.
I mention this because it ties back into my previous posts about sh*t tests, where I stated many times that fun, flirty, lighthearted playfulness is how you build attraction with a woman; it shows that the same things that work on women now also worked on women back then, meaning that all of this stuff we are talking about here on the subreddit is simply apart of female nature rather than a new societal construct.
In any case, I'm not gonna share with you his entire book since you can read it all yourself, but these are some key highlights. I'm going to move on to more hadith and quotes from other scholars now:
Hilal bin Umayyah accused his wife in the presence of the Prophet (ﷺ) of (committing adultery) with Sharik bin Sahma'. The Prophet said: "Bring proof or you will feel the Hadd (punishment) on your back." Hilal bin Umayyah said: "By the One Who sent you with the truth, I am telling the truth, and Allah will send down revelation concerning my situation which will spare my back." Then the following was revealed: "And for those who accuse their wives, but have no witnesses except themselves, let the testimony of one of them be four testimonies (i.e., testifies four times) by Allah that he is one of those who speak the truth. And the fifth (testimony should be) the invoking of the curse of Allah on him if he be of those who tell a lie (against her). But it shall avert the punishment (of stoning to death) from her, if she bears witness four times by Allah, that he (her husband) is telling a lie. And the fifth (testimony) should be that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he (her husband) speaks the truth." The Prophet (ﷺ), turned and sent for them, and they came. Hilal bin Umayyah stood up and bore witness, and the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Allah knows that one of you is lying. Will either of you repent?" Then she stood up and affirmed her innocence. On the fifth time, meaning that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he (her husband) speaks the truth, they said to her: "It will invoke the wrath of Allah." Ibn 'Abbas said: "She hesitated and backed up, until we thought that she was going to recant. Then she said: 'By Allah, I cannot dishonor my people forever.' Then the Prophet (ﷺ) said: 'Wait and see. If she gives birth to a child with black eyes, fleshy buttocks and big calves, then he is the son of Sharik bin Sahma'.' And she gave birth to such a child. Then the Prophet (ﷺ) said: 'Had it not the matter been settled by the Book of Allah, I would have punished her severely.' "
Women even back then would cheat on their husbands and lie about it to the whole of the community and to Allah SWT. She says she didn't want her people to be disgraced forever, but it's still clear as day that she cheated.
'Uwaimir came to `Asim bin `Adi who was the chief of Bani Ajlan and said, "What do you say about a man who has found another man with his wife? Should he kill him whereupon you would kill him (i.e. the husband), or what should he do? Please ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) about this matter on my behalf." `Asim then went to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! (And asked him that question) but Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) disliked the question," When 'Uwaimir asked `Asim (about the Prophet's answer) `Asim replied that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) disliked such questions and considered it shameful. "Uwaimir then said, "By Allah, I will not give up asking unless I ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) about it." Uwaimir came (to the Prophet ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! A man has found another man with his wife! Should he kill him whereupon you would kill him (the husband, in Qisas) or what should he do?" Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Allah has revealed regarding you and your wife's case in the Qur'an "So Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) ordered them to perform the measures of Mula'ana according to what Allah had mentioned in His Book. So 'Uwaimir did Mula'ana with her and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! If I kept her I would oppress her." So 'Uwaimir divorced her and so divorce became a tradition after them for those who happened to be involved in a case of Mula'ana. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) then said, "Look! If she (Uwaimir's wife) delivers a black child with deep black large eyes, big hips and fat legs, then I will be of the opinion that 'Uwaimir has spoken the truth; but if she delivers a red child looking like a Wahra then we will consider that 'Uwaimir has told a lie against her." Later on she delivered a child carrying the qualities which Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had mentioned as a proof for 'Uwaimir's claim; therefore the child was ascribed to its mother henceforth.
Another instance of cheating. These were the sahaba who got cheated on, men who had better character than most people today, with more Islamic knowledge than most Muslims today. And even they got cheated on. And they were cheated on by sahabiyat, women who were also (typically) more virtuous than women of our time. I'm pointing these out because men need to understand that women are not these sweet innocent angels who simply become corrupted through a bad society per se, many of them simply choose to do wrong. Not just that, but I'm also trying to showcase how the fallacy of "all you need is the Qur'an & Sunnah if you want to do well with women and have a happy marriage" is utter nonsense. Men with greater understanding of the Qur'an and Sunnah got cheated on while there are kuffar who have harems. Why is that? It's because fitra exists regardless of religion. Yes, Islam discusses aspects of the fitra and marriage; that does not mean that intersexual dynamics is its focus though. That's why it's foolish to say things like "I don't need the red pill to have a happy marriage, I just need the Qur'an & Sunnah" because it's like saying "I don't need to study biology to understand the human body, I just need the Qur'an & Sunnah". It's ridiculous. The fact that it even says “’Uwaimir divorce divorced her and so divorce became a tradition after then for those who happened to be involved in a case of Mula’ana” literally means that there were cases of women cheating on their husbands after this too. These aren’t just isolated incidents or one-offs.
In any case, there is more commentary on this particular incident:
Mention was made of li'an in the presence of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). And Asim b. 'Adi passed a remark about it and then turned away, and a man of his tribe came to him complaining that he had found a man with his wife, whereupon 'Asim said: I have been taken by my words. He took him to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and told him about the man whom he had found with his wife and this man was a lean, yellow-coloured man with lank hair, and the person who was accused of committing adultery with her (his wife) had fleshy shanks, with wheat complexion and heavy bulk. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: O Allah, make (this case) manifest. And as she gave birth to a child, whose face resembled that person about whom her husband had made mention that he had found her with, and Allah's Messenger (may peace be, upon him) had asked them to invoke curses. A person said to Ibn 'Abbas (Allah be pleased with him): Is she (that woman) about whom Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) (said):" If I were to stone anybody without evidence, I would have stoned her"? Ibn 'Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) said: No, it is not she. That woman was one who openly spread evil in society.
There was another woman who was the same way (the words "openly spread evil in society" refers to openly committing zina). And keep in mind that all this was back in a conservative Islamic society 1,400 years ago during the time of the Prophet ﷺ.
Understand that female nature has a lot of unpleasant aspects to it that modern society today completely ignores (or blames on men). Because of this, women are seen as morally superior to men and as better people than men, painting this image in our mind that women are always in the right.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "But for the Israelis, meat would not decay and but for Eve, wives would never betray their husbands."
The only comment I can make is that this is evidence that all of what we see is inherent within women. No, I'm not saying women cheating on men is inherent women; I'm saying that the thing that makes one woman do these things (whether cheat, sh*t test, or other) exist in ALL women.
'Aishah, the wife of the Prophet (ﷺ) told him that there were four types of marriage during Pre-Islamic period of Ignorance. One type was similar to that of the present day i.e. a man used to ask somebody else for the hand of a girl under his guardianship or for his daughter's hand, and give her Mahr and then marry her. The second type was that a man would say to his wife after she had become clean from her period. "Send for so-and-so and have sexual intercourse with him." Her husband would then keep away from her and would never sleep with her till she got pregnant from the other man with whom she was sleeping. When her pregnancy became evident, her husband would sleep with her if he wished. Her husband did so (i.e. let his wife sleep with some other man) so that he might have a child of noble breed. Such marriage was called as Al-Istibda'. Another type of marriage was that a group of less than ten men would assemble and enter upon a woman, and all of them would have sexual relation with her. If she became pregnant and delivered a child and some days had passed after delivery, she would sent for all of them and none of them would refuse to come, and when they all gathered before her, she would say to them, "You (all) know what you have done, and now I have given birth to a child. So, it is your child so-and-so!" naming whoever she liked, and her child would follow him and he could not refuse to take him. The fourth type of marriage was that many people would enter upon a lady and she would never refuse anyone who came to her. Those were the prostitutes who used to fix flags at their doors as sign, and he who would wished, could have sexual intercourse with them. If anyone of them got pregnant and delivered a child, then all those men would be gathered for her and they would call the Qa'if (persons skilled in recognizing the likeness of a child to his father) to them and would let the child follow the man (whom they recognized as his father) and she would let him adhere to him and be called his son. The man would not refuse all that. But when Muhammad (ﷺ) was sent with the Truth, he abolished all the types of marriages observed in pre-Islamic period of Ignorance except the type of marriage the people recognize today.
I want to first say Alhamdulillahi Rab al 'alameen that we are not like this today.
Now, while the men were degenerate back then, you have to realize that it was the women who allowed this and openly displayed themselves this way. They willingly chose to do this even though virginity was still greatly more honorable than these other forms of "marriage". I make mention of all this to drive home the point that women are not anywhere near as innocent as modern society makes them out to be and that they never, ever were.
~~~
There is yet another instance I am aware of whereby 'Umar bin Khattab RA was out patrolling the streets one night when he heard a woman sing a poem. The woman was lamenting her husband being away (for jihad) and that had it not been for the fear of Allah SWT in her heart that she would've tried having another lover sleep with her. When he heard this, he was alarmed and went to his daughter Hafsa and asked her how long can a woman remain without her husband. The reports vary the range from anywhere between 3 months and 6 months. Because there are many reports and they differ quite a bit in their wording, I won't quote the exact words, but there is the source:
https://al-maktaba.org/book/31615/18822
~~~
Ibn Umar narrated:"I had a wife whom I loved, but my father disliked her, so he ordered me to divorce her but I refused. I mentioned that to the Prophet and he said: 'O Abdullah bin Umar! Divorce your wife.'"
The context for this was that Abdullah ibn Umar was extremely in love with his wife to the point where his deen started to/was about to falter. This demonstrates that infatuation on part of the man, especially to the point where your deen falters, is not something to do. And with regards to the content talked about on this subreddit, it shows that you as a man should never to love to the point where it controls you. Remember this:
Your life should not revolve around your woman. She is not the woman of your dreams; rather, she is *a* woman in your dreams.
And verily, we find other scholars holding similar opinions:
If a man is (greatly) in love with a woman, even if she was permissible for him, his heart will remain in her captivity. She will be in charge of him and do with him as she pleases. Although he outwardly appears to be her master, because he is her husband, in reality, he is her captive and her possession, especially if she is aware of his unrestricted love and dire need for her, and that (he thinks) she is irreplaceable. Indeed, the captivity of the heart is worse than the captivity of the body, as the enslavement of the heart is worse than the enslavement of the body.
Majmūʿ of ibn Taymiyyah (10/185)
The easiest way to ensure you aren't enslaved to a woman (or to anyone for that matter) is to never be afraid to walk away. Always be able to leave her at the drop of a hat.
The things being said are further corroborated by the saying of 'Umar bin Khattab RA:
Aslam said, "'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, "Do not let your love be a total infatuation. Do not let your anger be destruction." I asked, "How is that?" He replied, "When you love, you are infatuated like a child. When you hate, you desire destruction for your companion.""
Now just to make sure no one gets this confused, this was a saying by 'Umar bin Khattab RA, not the Prophet ﷺ. But it's still great advice regardless.
In modern Western society (and many eastern societies now as well), men are indoctrinated to believe that going out of your way to do nice things for a woman is how you show her you love her and that this is what makes women fall in love with you. Mass media perpetuating socially liberal views creates the cultural gynocentrism that enforces this, further inculcating the idea that saying "no" to a woman, directing where the relationship/family is heading, telling a woman off (i.e. disciplining her), and that anything that allows a man to be in a dominant position over a woman (such as leading the relationship, having traditional gender roles, the man doing what he needs to do without necessarily consulting with his wife first for her "approval", etc.), are all bad things that "oppress" women. Unsurprisingly, many Muslim men fall for this propaganda as well and start believing in the faux-moralistic virtues that the West propagates regarding interpersonal relationships between men & women. This typically entails them believing that men wrong women more than the reverse, and that they (along with other men) need to be extra nice in order to act as a counterbalance to the supposed wrongdoings of other men, and also because they genuinely believe that this is what makes a woman attracted to a man.
What they don't realize, however, is that women are far less innocent than they believe. I can bring statistics showcasing these points, but there are still some who will remain in denial by saying that only nonMuslim women are this way, and that it doesn't apply to Muslim women. For many, if I were to bring enough personalized anecdotes from posts/comments of Muslimahs on this website itself, that would be enough to shatter the illusion of innocence. But others will continue remaining in denial by saying that these women are simply not religious (or some other nonsensical excuse), rather than just accept that those tendencies exist in all women.
To demonstrate why those men are wrong, I will bring sources from Islamic scholars and the Salaf themselves in addition to ahadith relating back to the Prophet ﷺ himself to show that these issues are universal and to also shine light on why the standard Western-prescribed perspectives of attracting women are incorrect:
The Prophet (ﷺ) was with one of the Mothers of the Believers (his wives) and another (wife) sent a bowl containing food. She (the first wife) struck the hand of the Messenger of (ﷺ) and the bowl fell and broke. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) took the two pieces and put them back together, then he started gathering up the food and putting it in (the bowl). He said: 'Your mother was jealous. Eat.' So they ate, and she (the wife who broke the bowl) brought the bowl that was in her house and gave the intact bowl to the Messenger (ﷺ), who left the broken bowl in the house of the one who broke it.
For those who are wondering, it was A'isha who broke the dish of Umm Salamah.
The people used to try to bring their gifts (to the Prophet) on 'Aishah's day, hoping thereby to earn the pleasure of the Messenger of Allah.
The wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) were in two groups. One group consisted of `Aisha, Hafsa, Safiyya and Sauda; and the other group consisted of Um Salama and the other wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). The Muslims knew that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) loved `Aisha, so if any of them had a gift and wished to give to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), he would delay it, till Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had come to `Aisha's home and then he would send his gift to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) in her home. The group of Um Salama discussed the matter together and decided that Um Salama should request Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to tell the people to send their gifts to him in whatever wife's house he was. Um Salama told Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) of what they had said, but he did not reply. Then they (those wives) asked Um Salama about it. She said, "He did not say anything to me." They asked her to talk to him again. She talked to him again when she met him on her day, but he gave no reply. When they asked her, she replied that he had given no reply. They said to her, "Talk to him till he gives you a reply." When it was her turn, she talked to him again. He then said to her, "Do not hurt me regarding Aisha, as the Divine Inspirations do not come to me on any of the beds except that of Aisha." On that Um Salama said, "I repent to Allah for hurting you." Then the group of Um Salama called Fatima, the daughter of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and sent her to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) to say to him, "Your wives request to treat them and the daughter of Abu Bakr on equal terms." Then Fatima conveyed the message to him. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "O my daughter! Don't you love whom I love?" She replied in the affirmative and returned and told them of the situation. They requested her to go to him again but she refused. They then sent Zainab bint Jahsh who went to him and used harsh words saying, "Your wives request you to treat them and the daughter of Ibn Abu Quhafa on equal terms." On that she raised her voice and (verbally) abused `Aisha to her face so much so that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) looked at `Aisha to see whether she would retort. `Aisha started replying to Zainab till she silenced her. The Prophet (ﷺ) then looked at `Aisha and said, "She really is the daughter of Abu Bakr."
We can see here that even the Prophet ﷺ still had to deal with female mind games and inter-wife politics (i.e. drama) whereby one wife (or many) would try gaining the favor of the Prophet ﷺ over the others. The fact that his wives were divided into two groups in the first place does seem to indicate that even the most righteous of women are prone to petty antics just the same as other women.
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) used to drink honey in the house of Zainab, the daughter of Jahsh, and would stay there with her. So Hafsa and I agreed secretly that, if he come to either of us, she would say to him. "It seems you have eaten Maghafir (a kind of bad-smelling resin), for I smell in you the smell of Maghafir," (We did so) and he replied. "No, but I was drinking honey in the house of Zainab, the daughter of Jahsh, and I shall never take it again. I have taken an oath as to that, and you should not tell anybody about it."
This is the (in)famous incident that actually led to the first divorce of Hafsa RA and the first 4 Verses in Surat At-Tahrim. The Prophet ﷺ did eventually remarry her though.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was sitting and we heard a scream and the voices of children. So the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) arose, and it was an Ethiopian woman, prancing around while the children played around her. So he said: 'O 'Aishah, come (and) see.' So I came, and I put my chin upon the shoulder of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and I began to watch her from between his shoulder and his head, and he said to me: 'Have you had enough, have you had enough?'" She said: "So I kept saying: 'No,' to see my status with him. Then 'Umar appeared." She said: "So they dispersed." She said: "So the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: 'Indeed I see the Shayatin among men and jinn have run from 'Umar.' She said: 'So I returned.'"
How you interpret "to see my status with him" is up to you. However, it's important to note that she was telling the Prophet ﷺ "no" on purpose because she was in essence testing him in order to gauge things. I'm not saying she had sinister ulterior motives or anything like that, I'm just pointing out how her saying "no" to him wasn't really because she didn't want to stop watching them play yet, but was instead because of something else that had to do with her gauging him/her in relation to him/him in relation to her/etc. This is actually evidence of my posts on sh*t tests when I said that it's simply in a woman's fitrah to test men like this. This is further evidenced by the words of Imam al-Ghazali:
Arab women used to teach their daughters to test their husbands. One would say to her daughter, “Test your husband before taking a step and before showing boldness toward him. Remove the edge of his spear; should he remain quiet, hack bones with his sword; and if he should still be quiet, then put the saddle on his back and ride him, for he is your donkey.”
Book on the Etiquette of Marriage, Chapter 3
Imam al-Ghazali also cites Imam al-Shafi'i as having said:
ثلاثة إن أكرمتهم أهانوك وإن أهنتهم أكرموك المرأة والخادم والنبطي
Which translates to "[There are] three if you honor them, they will insult you, and if you insult them, they will honor you: the woman, the servant, and the Nabataean."
Imam al-Ghazali also cites other interesting quotes:
قال الحسن: "والله ما أصبح رجل يطيع امرأته فيما تهوى إلا كبه الله في النار"
Al Hassan said: "By Allah, no man becomes obedient to his wife in what she desires except [that] Allah will Throw him into the Fire.
وقال عمر رضي الله عنه: "خالفوا النساء فإن في خلافهن البركة." وقد قيل: "شاوروهن وخالفوهن."
'Umar RA said: "Disagree with women (i.e. your wives), for in disagreement with them there is blessing." And it was [also] said [by him]: "Consult them then disagree with them".
" فاستحسن قولها وكان أصحاب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يسدون الكوى والثقب في الحيطان لئلا تطلع النسوان إلى الرجال ورأى معاذ امرأته تطلع في الكوة فضربها ورأى امرأته قد دفعت إلى غلامه تفاحة قد أكلت منها فضربها."
The companions of the Prophet SAW used to close peepholes and perforations in the wall to prevent women from looking at men. Mu'adh [b. Jabal] saw his wife looking through a peephole, and he struck her; he also saw her giving an apple to his male slave from which she had eaten, and he struck her again.
I find it interesting how women from a conservative society 1,400 years ago would gawk at men, even Muslim women. The common theme society portrays in our time is that creeping perverts are all men, and that women, especially Muslim women, would never act in such ways. Some delude themselves into thinking that women don't have the same desires as men, but the reality as shown above says otherwise. Even if you dispute the hadith, the fact that such a narration even COULD exist demonstrates that such things weren't unfamiliar to the Arabs back then. The truth is that if you don't see them behaving sexually, it doesn't mean that they don't do it or that they have more class than men (or whatever excuse you want to come up with), it just means they don't do it WITH YOU. Women are just as depraved as men, but simply hide it better. But that aside, let's continue...
وروي انه دفعت إحداهن في صدر رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فزبرتها أمها فقال صلى الله عليه وسلم دعيها فإنهن يصنعن اكثر من ذلك
It was also related that one wife pushed the Prophet SAW in the chest, so her mother slapped her. The Prophet SAW said, “Leave her, for they [wives] do worse than that.”
وجرى بينه وبين عائشة كلام حتى أدخلا بينهما أبا بكر رضي الله عنه حكما واستشهده فقال لها رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم تكلمين أو أتكلم فقالت بل تكلم أنت ولا تقل إلا حقا فلطمها أبو بكر حتى دمى فوها وقال يا عدية نفسها أو يقول غير الحق فاستجارت برسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم وقعدت خلف ظهره فقال له النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم لم ندعك لهذا ولا أردنا منك هذا
He [the Prophet SAW] and 'A'ishah got into an argument to the point that Abu Bakr was called upon to arbitrate, and the Prophet took him as a witness. So the Prophet SAW said to her, “Are you going to talk, or shall l?” She replied, “You talk, but say only the truth.” Abu Bakr struck her until her mouth bled, and said to her, “Oh enemy of yourself, does he utter anything but the truth?” So she took refuge with the Prophet SAW and sat behind him. The Prophet SAW then told him, “You were not called for this, nor did we desire this of you.”
Like, bruh.
وقالت له مرة في كلام غضبت عنده أنت الذي تزعم أنك نبي الله فتبسم رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم واحتمل ذلك حلما وكرما
She ['A'isha RA] told him once in anger, “And you are the one who claims to be the Prophet of God!” So the Prophet SAW smiled and bore that out of forbearance and kindness.
وكان يقول لها إني لأعرف غضبك من رضاك قالت وكيف تعرفه قال إذا رضيت قلت لا وإله محمد وإذا غضبت قلت لا وإله إبراهيم قالت صدقت إنما أهجر اسمك
He used to say to her, “I know when you are angry and when you are pleased.” To which she replied, “And how do you know it?” He said, “When you are pleased, you say 'No, by the God of Muhammad'; and when you are angry you say, 'No, by the God of Abraham.' “ She said, “You are right; I leave your name out.”
Dalliance, jesting, and playfulness add to the toleration of offense; for these delight the hearts of women.
I mention this because it ties back into my previous posts about sh*t tests, where I stated many times that fun, flirty, lighthearted playfulness is how you build attraction with a woman; it shows that the same things that work on women now also worked on women back then, meaning that all of this stuff we are talking about here on the subreddit is simply apart of female nature rather than a new societal construct.
In any case, I'm not gonna share with you his entire book since you can read it all yourself, but these are some key highlights. I'm going to move on to more hadith and quotes from other scholars now:
Hilal bin Umayyah accused his wife in the presence of the Prophet (ﷺ) of (committing adultery) with Sharik bin Sahma'. The Prophet said: "Bring proof or you will feel the Hadd (punishment) on your back." Hilal bin Umayyah said: "By the One Who sent you with the truth, I am telling the truth, and Allah will send down revelation concerning my situation which will spare my back." Then the following was revealed: "And for those who accuse their wives, but have no witnesses except themselves, let the testimony of one of them be four testimonies (i.e., testifies four times) by Allah that he is one of those who speak the truth. And the fifth (testimony should be) the invoking of the curse of Allah on him if he be of those who tell a lie (against her). But it shall avert the punishment (of stoning to death) from her, if she bears witness four times by Allah, that he (her husband) is telling a lie. And the fifth (testimony) should be that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he (her husband) speaks the truth." The Prophet (ﷺ), turned and sent for them, and they came. Hilal bin Umayyah stood up and bore witness, and the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Allah knows that one of you is lying. Will either of you repent?" Then she stood up and affirmed her innocence. On the fifth time, meaning that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he (her husband) speaks the truth, they said to her: "It will invoke the wrath of Allah." Ibn 'Abbas said: "She hesitated and backed up, until we thought that she was going to recant. Then she said: 'By Allah, I cannot dishonor my people forever.' Then the Prophet (ﷺ) said: 'Wait and see. If she gives birth to a child with black eyes, fleshy buttocks and big calves, then he is the son of Sharik bin Sahma'.' And she gave birth to such a child. Then the Prophet (ﷺ) said: 'Had it not the matter been settled by the Book of Allah, I would have punished her severely.' "
Women even back then would cheat on their husbands and lie about it to the whole of the community and to Allah SWT. She says she didn't want her people to be disgraced forever, but it's still clear as day that she cheated.
'Uwaimir came to `Asim bin `Adi who was the chief of Bani Ajlan and said, "What do you say about a man who has found another man with his wife? Should he kill him whereupon you would kill him (i.e. the husband), or what should he do? Please ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) about this matter on my behalf." `Asim then went to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! (And asked him that question) but Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) disliked the question," When 'Uwaimir asked `Asim (about the Prophet's answer) `Asim replied that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) disliked such questions and considered it shameful. "Uwaimir then said, "By Allah, I will not give up asking unless I ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) about it." Uwaimir came (to the Prophet ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! A man has found another man with his wife! Should he kill him whereupon you would kill him (the husband, in Qisas) or what should he do?" Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Allah has revealed regarding you and your wife's case in the Qur'an "So Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) ordered them to perform the measures of Mula'ana according to what Allah had mentioned in His Book. So 'Uwaimir did Mula'ana with her and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! If I kept her I would oppress her." So 'Uwaimir divorced her and so divorce became a tradition after them for those who happened to be involved in a case of Mula'ana. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) then said, "Look! If she (Uwaimir's wife) delivers a black child with deep black large eyes, big hips and fat legs, then I will be of the opinion that 'Uwaimir has spoken the truth; but if she delivers a red child looking like a Wahra then we will consider that 'Uwaimir has told a lie against her." Later on she delivered a child carrying the qualities which Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had mentioned as a proof for 'Uwaimir's claim; therefore the child was ascribed to its mother henceforth.
Another instance of cheating. These were the sahaba who got cheated on, men who had better character than most people today, with more Islamic knowledge than most Muslims today. And even they got cheated on. And they were cheated on by sahabiyat, women who were also (typically) more virtuous than women of our time. I'm pointing these out because men need to understand that women are not these sweet innocent angels who simply become corrupted through a bad society per se, many of them simply choose to do wrong. Not just that, but I'm also trying to showcase how the fallacy of "all you need is the Qur'an & Sunnah if you want to do well with women and have a happy marriage" is utter nonsense. Men with greater understanding of the Qur'an and Sunnah got cheated on while there are kuffar who have harems. Why is that? It's because fitra exists regardless of religion. Yes, Islam discusses aspects of the fitra and marriage; that does not mean that intersexual dynamics is its focus though. That's why it's foolish to say things like "I don't need the red pill to have a happy marriage, I just need the Qur'an & Sunnah" because it's like saying "I don't need to study biology to understand the human body, I just need the Qur'an & Sunnah". It's ridiculous. The fact that it even says “’Uwaimir divorce divorced her and so divorce became a tradition after then for those who happened to be involved in a case of Mula’ana” literally means that there were cases of women cheating on their husbands after this too. These aren’t just isolated incidents or one-offs.
In any case, there is more commentary on this particular incident:
Mention was made of li'an in the presence of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). And Asim b. 'Adi passed a remark about it and then turned away, and a man of his tribe came to him complaining that he had found a man with his wife, whereupon 'Asim said: I have been taken by my words. He took him to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and told him about the man whom he had found with his wife and this man was a lean, yellow-coloured man with lank hair, and the person who was accused of committing adultery with her (his wife) had fleshy shanks, with wheat complexion and heavy bulk. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: O Allah, make (this case) manifest. And as she gave birth to a child, whose face resembled that person about whom her husband had made mention that he had found her with, and Allah's Messenger (may peace be, upon him) had asked them to invoke curses. A person said to Ibn 'Abbas (Allah be pleased with him): Is she (that woman) about whom Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) (said):" If I were to stone anybody without evidence, I would have stoned her"? Ibn 'Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) said: No, it is not she. That woman was one who openly spread evil in society.
There was another woman who was the same way (the words "openly spread evil in society" refers to openly committing zina). And keep in mind that all this was back in a conservative Islamic society 1,400 years ago during the time of the Prophet ﷺ.
Understand that female nature has a lot of unpleasant aspects to it that modern society today completely ignores (or blames on men). Because of this, women are seen as morally superior to men and as better people than men, painting this image in our mind that women are always in the right.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "But for the Israelis, meat would not decay and but for Eve, wives would never betray their husbands."
The only comment I can make is that this is evidence that all of what we see is inherent within women. No, I'm not saying women cheating on men is inherent women; I'm saying that the thing that makes one woman do these things (whether cheat, sh*t test, or other) exist in ALL women.
'Aishah, the wife of the Prophet (ﷺ) told him that there were four types of marriage during Pre-Islamic period of Ignorance. One type was similar to that of the present day i.e. a man used to ask somebody else for the hand of a girl under his guardianship or for his daughter's hand, and give her Mahr and then marry her. The second type was that a man would say to his wife after she had become clean from her period. "Send for so-and-so and have sexual intercourse with him." Her husband would then keep away from her and would never sleep with her till she got pregnant from the other man with whom she was sleeping. When her pregnancy became evident, her husband would sleep with her if he wished. Her husband did so (i.e. let his wife sleep with some other man) so that he might have a child of noble breed. Such marriage was called as Al-Istibda'. Another type of marriage was that a group of less than ten men would assemble and enter upon a woman, and all of them would have sexual relation with her. If she became pregnant and delivered a child and some days had passed after delivery, she would sent for all of them and none of them would refuse to come, and when they all gathered before her, she would say to them, "You (all) know what you have done, and now I have given birth to a child. So, it is your child so-and-so!" naming whoever she liked, and her child would follow him and he could not refuse to take him. The fourth type of marriage was that many people would enter upon a lady and she would never refuse anyone who came to her. Those were the prostitutes who used to fix flags at their doors as sign, and he who would wished, could have sexual intercourse with them. If anyone of them got pregnant and delivered a child, then all those men would be gathered for her and they would call the Qa'if (persons skilled in recognizing the likeness of a child to his father) to them and would let the child follow the man (whom they recognized as his father) and she would let him adhere to him and be called his son. The man would not refuse all that. But when Muhammad (ﷺ) was sent with the Truth, he abolished all the types of marriages observed in pre-Islamic period of Ignorance except the type of marriage the people recognize today.
I want to first say Alhamdulillahi Rab al 'alameen that we are not like this today.
Now, while the men were degenerate back then, you have to realize that it was the women who allowed this and openly displayed themselves this way. They willingly chose to do this even though virginity was still greatly more honorable than these other forms of "marriage". I make mention of all this to drive home the point that women are not anywhere near as innocent as modern society makes them out to be and that they never, ever were.
~~~
There is yet another instance I am aware of whereby 'Umar bin Khattab RA was out patrolling the streets one night when he heard a woman sing a poem. The woman was lamenting her husband being away (for jihad) and that had it not been for the fear of Allah SWT in her heart that she would've tried having another lover sleep with her. When he heard this, he was alarmed and went to his daughter Hafsa and asked her how long can a woman remain without her husband. The reports vary the range from anywhere between 3 months and 6 months. Because there are many reports and they differ quite a bit in their wording, I won't quote the exact words, but there is the source:
https://al-maktaba.org/book/31615/18822
~~~
Ibn Umar narrated:"I had a wife whom I loved, but my father disliked her, so he ordered me to divorce her but I refused. I mentioned that to the Prophet and he said: 'O Abdullah bin Umar! Divorce your wife.'"
The context for this was that Abdullah ibn Umar was extremely in love with his wife to the point where his deen started to/was about to falter. This demonstrates that infatuation on part of the man, especially to the point where your deen falters, is not something to do. And with regards to the content talked about on this subreddit, it shows that you as a man should never to love to the point where it controls you. Remember this:
Your life should not revolve around your woman. She is not the woman of your dreams; rather, she is *a* woman in your dreams.
And verily, we find other scholars holding similar opinions:
If a man is (greatly) in love with a woman, even if she was permissible for him, his heart will remain in her captivity. She will be in charge of him and do with him as she pleases. Although he outwardly appears to be her master, because he is her husband, in reality, he is her captive and her possession, especially if she is aware of his unrestricted love and dire need for her, and that (he thinks) she is irreplaceable. Indeed, the captivity of the heart is worse than the captivity of the body, as the enslavement of the heart is worse than the enslavement of the body.
Majmūʿ of ibn Taymiyyah (10/185)
The easiest way to ensure you aren't enslaved to a woman (or to anyone for that matter) is to never be afraid to walk away. Always be able to leave her at the drop of a hat.
The things being said are further corroborated by the saying of 'Umar bin Khattab RA:
Aslam said, "'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, "Do not let your love be a total infatuation. Do not let your anger be destruction." I asked, "How is that?" He replied, "When you love, you are infatuated like a child. When you hate, you desire destruction for your companion.""
Now just to make sure no one gets this confused, this was a saying by 'Umar bin Khattab RA, not the Prophet ﷺ. But it's still great advice regardless.
From the book: ديوان الامام الشافعي ("Poetry Compilation of Imam Al Shafi'i") إن النساء شياطين خُلقن لنل؛ نعوذ بالله من شر الشياطين
Translation: "Women are devils created for us; We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of devils."
From the book: ديوان الامام الشافعي ("Poetry Compilation of Imam Al Shafi'i") إن النساء شياطين خُلقن لنل؛ نعوذ بالله من شر الشياطين
Translation: "Women are devils created for us; We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of devils."
Tafsir ibn Kathir of Qur'an 4:34
اي: لأن الرجل أفضل من النساء، والرجل خير من المراة
Meaning: (This is) because men are better than women, and the man is better than the women.
The first part where men are "better" than women means excelling over women; I want to make this clear since in English, saying that you are "better" than someone else has an insulting and arrogant connotation that does not exist here in the Arabic text. The same goes for the second part, and it also shares a similar meaning except it's inclusive of blessings in an almost entrusting kind of way. It's hard to properly describe, but that's why modern English translations of the tafsir of this Verse are worded the way they are; although they still do tend to be watered down a little bit (hence why I didn't use those translations).
ولهذا كانت النبوة مختصة بالرجال، وكذلك الملك الأعظم
Meaning: That is why prophethood was restricted to men, as well as great kingship.
"Great kingship" is a reference to positions of leadership, particularly political leadership. Ibn Kathir then goes on to quote the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ saying that no nation will succeed if a woman becomes its leader, and that this extends to judiciaries (i.e. appointing women as judges) and others (i.e. other positions of social & political power).
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Many amongst men reached (the level of) perfection but none amongst the women reached this level except Asia, Pharaoh's wife, and Mary, the daughter of `Imran. And no doubt, the superiority of `Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (i.e. a meat and bread dish) to other meals."
Some people may be offended by the words of ibn Kathir and may say that it is only his opinion that isn't actually related to Islam; however, this hadith above shows that what he had said holds merit.
When we read this stuff, the problem isn't that Islam is sexist or that these men didn't know what they were talking about; the problem is that the social culture of today's time has made it taboo for people, particularly men, to point out faults in women. For example, if he had said the opposite, that women are better than men, no one would care in the slightest. No one would think it's sexist against men or that ibn Kathir is a misandrist or anything of the sort. Some may say that it's because of the circumstance where men dominated the society back then, but this doesn't disprove the "what if" question; what if he was actually right? What if these statements aren't because of some patriarchal notion causing fragile masculinity (or whatever feminists say), what if it's because he's simply telling the truth? This possibility is never explored in the modern day. The reality is that this double standard came from feminism attacking men over perceived discrimination (thereby normalizing misandry), and also by equating criticisms against feminism as sexism against women (even if the criticisms were valid, thereby stifling any discussion about feministic wrongs).
These people aren't sexist; the Prophet ﷺ isn't sexist. He actually went against the culture of his time regarding women, yet still said these things anyway. Perhaps these things really are true. If you can't accept the possibility that there are unpleasant truths about women, ask yourself why. It's very likely that you've succumbed to Western propaganda regarding gender dynamics.
Then, I looked into the condition of women. I found that women in general are not religious and extremely ignorant. They seem to know nothing about the Hereafter, except for those whom Allah guarded from such a trial.
Ibn al-Jawzi (Captured Thoughts, Chapter 31, p. 162)
Notice how Ibn al-Jawzi singles out women as a particular group? Women as women knew little about the deen nor were they religious, and this was also before the Mongols sacked Baghdad (the city in which Ibn al-Jawzi was from) meaning it was during the Golden Age of Islam. I bring forth his statement here because it acts as demonstrable evidence for the veracity of the hadith immediately above it; someone who lived during the Golden Age of Islam (arguably the best time period in history for Muslims) who was also alive 500-600 years after the Prophet ﷺ (meaning he comes from a different era than the Prophet ﷺ) had made an observation that coincides with what the Prophet ﷺ had said (i.e. that very few women reach the level of religious perfection).
Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said from Amra bint Abd ar-Rahman that A'isha, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "If the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, had seen what women do now, he would have forbidden them to go into the mosques, just as the women of the Bani Israil were forbidden."Yahya ibn Said said that he asked Amra, "Were the women of the Bani Israil forbidden to go into the mosques?" and she said, "Yes."
Muwatta Malik Book 14, Hadith 15 (USC-MSA web [English] reference)
This is A'isha RA, wife of the Prophet ﷺ and a woman herself, saying this about the women of her time, about other sahabiyat. These were the salaf, the best generation of Muslims, too. Is it still just sexist and misogynistic men who make these claims? I think not. And those who continue to say so, you are slandering good people with great character to avoid confronting these truths so that you can continue lying to yourself about the reality of what Allah SWT Decrees for the sexes.
I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) say: Don't prevent your women from going to the mosque when they seek your permission. Bilal b. 'Abdullah said: By Allah, we shall certainly prevent them. On this 'Abdullah b. Umar turned towards him and reprimanded him harshly as I had never heard him do before. He ('Abdullah b. Umar) said: I am narrating to you that which comes from the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and you (have the audacity) to say: By Allah, we shall certainly prevent them.
Here, we see how things have gotten so bad to the point that Bilal bin Abdullah, the grandson of 'Umar bin Khattab RA, swore by Allah SWT that they would continue to prevent women from going to the masjid in spite of what the Prophet ﷺ had said. This hadith and the hadith with A'isha RA refer to the same thing—that the women have begun to turn corrupt.
This is actually why 'Umar bin Khattab RA banned women from the masjid outside of the 5 obligatory prayers (I recall reading elsewhere that they were also allowed for taraweeh but I cannot confirm the veracity of that).
Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) had nine wives. So when he divided (his stay) with them, the turn of the first wife did not come but on the ninth (day). They (all the wives) used to gather every night in the house of one where he had to come (and stay that night). It was (the night when he had to stay) in the house of 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her), when Zainab came there. He (the Prophet ﷺ) stretched his hand towards her (Zainab), whereupon she ('A'isha) said:"It is Zainab". Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) withdrew his hand. There was an altercation between the two (women) until their voices became loud (and it was at that time) when Iqama was announced for prayer. There happened to come Abu Bakr and he heard their voices and said: Messenger of Allah, (kindly) come for prayer, and throw dust in their mouths. So the Prophet (ﷺ) went out. 'A'isha said: When Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) would finish his prayer there would also come Abu Bakr and he would do as he does (on such occasions, i.e. reprimanding). When Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) had finished his prayer, Abu Bakr came to her ('A'isha), and spoke to her in stern words and said: Do you behave like this?
Standard catfight. They basically argued so much that even after the Prophet ﷺ and Abu Bakr RA left for prayer and returned, they were still arguing (and loudly at that, too). In addition, when the Prophet ﷺ outstretched his hand to Zainab RA (to welcome her), 'A'isha RA said "It is Zainab" (with stark disapproval) as if to say it's something bad, hence why they began fighting/arguing.
I mean honestly, this is starting to sound like cliche girl dramas that you see on TV. It's not alien to us.
Tafsir ibn Kathir of Qur'an 4:34
اي: لأن الرجل أفضل من النساء، والرجل خير من المراة
Meaning: (This is) because men are better than women, and the man is better than the women.
The first part where men are "better" than women means excelling over women; I want to make this clear since in English, saying that you are "better" than someone else has an insulting and arrogant connotation that does not exist here in the Arabic text. The same goes for the second part, and it also shares a similar meaning except it's inclusive of blessings in an almost entrusting kind of way. It's hard to properly describe, but that's why modern English translations of the tafsir of this Verse are worded the way they are; although they still do tend to be watered down a little bit (hence why I didn't use those translations).
ولهذا كانت النبوة مختصة بالرجال، وكذلك الملك الأعظم
Meaning: That is why prophethood was restricted to men, as well as great kingship.
"Great kingship" is a reference to positions of leadership, particularly political leadership. Ibn Kathir then goes on to quote the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ saying that no nation will succeed if a woman becomes its leader, and that this extends to judiciaries (i.e. appointing women as judges) and others (i.e. other positions of social & political power).
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Many amongst men reached (the level of) perfection but none amongst the women reached this level except Asia, Pharaoh's wife, and Mary, the daughter of `Imran. And no doubt, the superiority of `Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (i.e. a meat and bread dish) to other meals."
Some people may be offended by the words of ibn Kathir and may say that it is only his opinion that isn't actually related to Islam; however, this hadith above shows that what he had said holds merit.
When we read this stuff, the problem isn't that Islam is sexist or that these men didn't know what they were talking about; the problem is that the social culture of today's time has made it taboo for people, particularly men, to point out faults in women. For example, if he had said the opposite, that women are better than men, no one would care in the slightest. No one would think it's sexist against men or that ibn Kathir is a misandrist or anything of the sort. Some may say that it's because of the circumstance where men dominated the society back then, but this doesn't disprove the "what if" question; what if he was actually right? What if these statements aren't because of some patriarchal notion causing fragile masculinity (or whatever feminists say), what if it's because he's simply telling the truth? This possibility is never explored in the modern day. The reality is that this double standard came from feminism attacking men over perceived discrimination (thereby normalizing misandry), and also by equating criticisms against feminism as sexism against women (even if the criticisms were valid, thereby stifling any discussion about feministic wrongs).
These people aren't sexist; the Prophet ﷺ isn't sexist. He actually went against the culture of his time regarding women, yet still said these things anyway. Perhaps these things really are true. If you can't accept the possibility that there are unpleasant truths about women, ask yourself why. It's very likely that you've succumbed to Western propaganda regarding gender dynamics.
Then, I looked into the condition of women. I found that women in general are not religious and extremely ignorant. They seem to know nothing about the Hereafter, except for those whom Allah guarded from such a trial.
Ibn al-Jawzi (Captured Thoughts, Chapter 31, p. 162)
Notice how Ibn al-Jawzi singles out women as a particular group? Women as women knew little about the deen nor were they religious, and this was also before the Mongols sacked Baghdad (the city in which Ibn al-Jawzi was from) meaning it was during the Golden Age of Islam. I bring forth his statement here because it acts as demonstrable evidence for the veracity of the hadith immediately above it; someone who lived during the Golden Age of Islam (arguably the best time period in history for Muslims) who was also alive 500-600 years after the Prophet ﷺ (meaning he comes from a different era than the Prophet ﷺ) had made an observation that coincides with what the Prophet ﷺ had said (i.e. that very few women reach the level of religious perfection).
Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said from Amra bint Abd ar-Rahman that A'isha, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "If the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, had seen what women do now, he would have forbidden them to go into the mosques, just as the women of the Bani Israil were forbidden."Yahya ibn Said said that he asked Amra, "Were the women of the Bani Israil forbidden to go into the mosques?" and she said, "Yes."
Muwatta Malik Book 14, Hadith 15 (USC-MSA web [English] reference)
This is A'isha RA, wife of the Prophet ﷺ and a woman herself, saying this about the women of her time, about other sahabiyat. These were the salaf, the best generation of Muslims, too. Is it still just sexist and misogynistic men who make these claims? I think not. And those who continue to say so, you are slandering good people with great character to avoid confronting these truths so that you can continue lying to yourself about the reality of what Allah SWT Decrees for the sexes.
I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) say: Don't prevent your women from going to the mosque when they seek your permission. Bilal b. 'Abdullah said: By Allah, we shall certainly prevent them. On this 'Abdullah b. Umar turned towards him and reprimanded him harshly as I had never heard him do before. He ('Abdullah b. Umar) said: I am narrating to you that which comes from the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and you (have the audacity) to say: By Allah, we shall certainly prevent them.
Here, we see how things have gotten so bad to the point that Bilal bin Abdullah, the grandson of 'Umar bin Khattab RA, swore by Allah SWT that they would continue to prevent women from going to the masjid in spite of what the Prophet ﷺ had said. This hadith and the hadith with A'isha RA refer to the same thing—that the women have begun to turn corrupt.
This is actually why 'Umar bin Khattab RA banned women from the masjid outside of the 5 obligatory prayers (I recall reading elsewhere that they were also allowed for taraweeh but I cannot confirm the veracity of that).
Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) had nine wives. So when he divided (his stay) with them, the turn of the first wife did not come but on the ninth (day). They (all the wives) used to gather every night in the house of one where he had to come (and stay that night). It was (the night when he had to stay) in the house of 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her), when Zainab came there. He (the Prophet ﷺ) stretched his hand towards her (Zainab), whereupon she ('A'isha) said:"It is Zainab". Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) withdrew his hand. There was an altercation between the two (women) until their voices became loud (and it was at that time) when Iqama was announced for prayer. There happened to come Abu Bakr and he heard their voices and said: Messenger of Allah, (kindly) come for prayer, and throw dust in their mouths. So the Prophet (ﷺ) went out. 'A'isha said: When Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) would finish his prayer there would also come Abu Bakr and he would do as he does (on such occasions, i.e. reprimanding). When Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) had finished his prayer, Abu Bakr came to her ('A'isha), and spoke to her in stern words and said: Do you behave like this?
Standard catfight. They basically argued so much that even after the Prophet ﷺ and Abu Bakr RA left for prayer and returned, they were still arguing (and loudly at that, too). In addition, when the Prophet ﷺ outstretched his hand to Zainab RA (to welcome her), 'A'isha RA said "It is Zainab" (with stark disapproval) as if to say it's something bad, hence why they began fighting/arguing.
I mean honestly, this is starting to sound like cliche girl dramas that you see on TV. It's not alien to us.
Tafsir ibn Kathir of Qur'an 4:34
اي: لأن الرجل أفضل من النساء، والرجل خير من المراة
Meaning: (This is) because men are better than women, and the man is better than the women.
The first part where men are "better" than women means excelling over women; I want to make this clear since in English, saying that you are "better" than someone else has an insulting and arrogant connotation that does not exist here in the Arabic text. The same goes for the second part, and it also shares a similar meaning except it's inclusive of blessings in an almost entrusting kind of way. It's hard to properly describe, but that's why modern English translations of the tafsir of this Verse are worded the way they are; although they still do tend to be watered down a little bit (hence why I didn't use those translations).
ولهذا كانت النبوة مختصة بالرجال، وكذلك الملك الأعظم
Meaning: That is why prophethood was restricted to men, as well as great kingship.
"Great kingship" is a reference to positions of leadership, particularly political leadership. Ibn Kathir then goes on to quote the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ saying that no nation will succeed if a woman becomes its leader, and that this extends to judiciaries (i.e. appointing women as judges) and others (i.e. other positions of social & political power).
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Many amongst men reached (the level of) perfection but none amongst the women reached this level except Asia, Pharaoh's wife, and Mary, the daughter of `Imran. And no doubt, the superiority of `Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (i.e. a meat and bread dish) to other meals."
Some people may be offended by the words of ibn Kathir and may say that it is only his opinion that isn't actually related to Islam; however, this hadith above shows that what he had said holds merit.
When we read this stuff, the problem isn't that Islam is sexist or that these men didn't know what they were talking about; the problem is that the social culture of today's time has made it taboo for people, particularly men, to point out faults in women. For example, if he had said the opposite, that women are better than men, no one would care in the slightest. No one would think it's sexist against men or that ibn Kathir is a misandrist or anything of the sort. Some may say that it's because of the circumstance where men dominated the society back then, but this doesn't disprove the "what if" question; what if he was actually right? What if these statements aren't because of some patriarchal notion causing fragile masculinity (or whatever feminists say), what if it's because he's simply telling the truth? This possibility is never explored in the modern day. The reality is that this double standard came from feminism attacking men over perceived discrimination (thereby normalizing misandry), and also by equating criticisms against feminism as sexism against women (even if the criticisms were valid, thereby stifling any discussion about feministic wrongs).
These people aren't sexist; the Prophet ﷺ isn't sexist. He actually went against the culture of his time regarding women, yet still said these things anyway. Perhaps these things really are true. If you can't accept the possibility that there are unpleasant truths about women, ask yourself why. It's very likely that you've succumbed to Western propaganda regarding gender dynamics.
Then, I looked into the condition of women. I found that women in general are not religious and extremely ignorant. They seem to know nothing about the Hereafter, except for those whom Allah guarded from such a trial.
Ibn al-Jawzi (Captured Thoughts, Chapter 31, p. 162)
Notice how Ibn al-Jawzi singles out women as a particular group? Women as women knew little about the deen nor were they religious, and this was also before the Mongols sacked Baghdad (the city in which Ibn al-Jawzi was from) meaning it was during the Golden Age of Islam. I bring forth his statement here because it acts as demonstrable evidence for the veracity of the hadith immediately above it; someone who lived during the Golden Age of Islam (arguably the best time period in history for Muslims) who was also alive 500-600 years after the Prophet ﷺ (meaning he comes from a different era than the Prophet ﷺ) had made an observation that coincides with what the Prophet ﷺ had said (i.e. that very few women reach the level of religious perfection).
Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said from Amra bint Abd ar-Rahman that A'isha, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "If the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, had seen what women do now, he would have forbidden them to go into the mosques, just as the women of the Bani Israil were forbidden."Yahya ibn Said said that he asked Amra, "Were the women of the Bani Israil forbidden to go into the mosques?" and she said, "Yes."
Muwatta Malik Book 14, Hadith 15 (USC-MSA web [English] reference)
This is A'isha RA, wife of the Prophet ﷺ and a woman herself, saying this about the women of her time, about other sahabiyat. These were the salaf, the best generation of Muslims, too. Is it still just sexist and misogynistic men who make these claims? I think not. And those who continue to say so, you are slandering good people with great character to avoid confronting these truths so that you can continue lying to yourself about the reality of what Allah SWT Decrees for the sexes.
I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) say: Don't prevent your women from going to the mosque when they seek your permission. Bilal b. 'Abdullah said: By Allah, we shall certainly prevent them. On this 'Abdullah b. Umar turned towards him and reprimanded him harshly as I had never heard him do before. He ('Abdullah b. Umar) said: I am narrating to you that which comes from the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and you (have the audacity) to say: By Allah, we shall certainly prevent them.
Here, we see how things have gotten so bad to the point that Bilal bin Abdullah, the grandson of 'Umar bin Khattab RA, swore by Allah SWT that they would continue to prevent women from going to the masjid in spite of what the Prophet ﷺ had said. This hadith and the hadith with A'isha RA refer to the same thing—that the women have begun to turn corrupt.
This is actually why 'Umar bin Khattab RA banned women from the masjid outside of the 5 obligatory prayers (I recall reading elsewhere that they were also allowed for taraweeh but I cannot confirm the veracity of that).
Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) had nine wives. So when he divided (his stay) with them, the turn of the first wife did not come but on the ninth (day). They (all the wives) used to gather every night in the house of one where he had to come (and stay that night). It was (the night when he had to stay) in the house of 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her), when Zainab came there. He (the Prophet ﷺ) stretched his hand towards her (Zainab), whereupon she ('A'isha) said:"It is Zainab". Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) withdrew his hand. There was an altercation between the two (women) until their voices became loud (and it was at that time) when Iqama was announced for prayer. There happened to come Abu Bakr and he heard their voices and said: Messenger of Allah, (kindly) come for prayer, and throw dust in their mouths. So the Prophet (ﷺ) went out. 'A'isha said: When Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) would finish his prayer there would also come Abu Bakr and he would do as he does (on such occasions, i.e. reprimanding). When Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) had finished his prayer, Abu Bakr came to her ('A'isha), and spoke to her in stern words and said: Do you behave like this?
Standard catfight. They basically argued so much that even after the Prophet ﷺ and Abu Bakr RA left for prayer and returned, they were still arguing (and loudly at that, too). In addition, when the Prophet ﷺ outstretched his hand to Zainab RA (to welcome her), 'A'isha RA said "It is Zainab" (with stark disapproval) as if to say it's something bad, hence why they began fighting/arguing.
I mean honestly, this is starting to sound like cliche girl dramas that you see on TV. It's not alien to us.